Figuring it out. Or not.

What do I need to leave behind so that I can go and fulfill God’s call on my life (ala Peter, Andrew and Elisha)? This was a question at the end of one of the day’s of a thirty day Bible study I am doing. And what a great question. But since I can’t even seem to figure out God’s call on my life, I have no idea what I need to abandon to fulfill it.

Does it ever seem like everyone has a purpose but you? I return again and again to Jeremiah 1:5. And I Peter 4:10. I’ve read 48 Days to the Work You Love and The Purpose Driven Life. And I emerge from them feeling… directionless and purposeless. Not really what the authors were going for, I don’t think.

Why is it so easy for me to believe that God has a purpose for every life but mine? I truly believe in those passages of Scripture – for everyone except me that is. I get so stuck when the discussion turns to purpose and talents. Where I am normally chatty, suddenly my tongue sticks to the roof of my mouth. Whether it’s fear, or self-doubt or having beat myself up for so long for being prideful that I now have nothing to be proud of, I don’t know.

All I know is that while I read God’s Word about using my gifts for Him, I acknowledge them with my head but I don’t believe them in my heart. Or, even more accurately, I believe the words for everyone except me. I know the danger of such sad, discouraging, negative self-talk. I try to obey II Corinthians 10:5b and “take captive every thought and make it obedient to Christ.” But I’d still really like to know what I am good at.

I always feel like I look around and see someone else already doing things I could potentially be interested in, and doing it so much better than I could, that I feel like I have nothing further to contribute. So is that fear, self-doubt or both? And aside from taking a bunch of multiple-choice quizzes, how do I learn what talents I have? And what God wants from me? Does anyone else ever struggle with this??

The coming storm

As the people sat in their coffee cafes in the capitol city, did they know trouble was coming?

As they went to dinner with friends, shopped the boutiques, headed to the market to pick up items for dinner, did they feel unease? And if so, what did they do with it? Push it aside? Dwell on it? Act on the fear?

How do you prepare for the coming storm when you aren't even sure what the storm is or how bad it will actually be?

I recently finished a book by Erik Larson – In the Garden of Beasts – about the U.S. Ambassador to Germany in the early 1930s. Hitler was chancellor, but not yet completely in power. And I started to wonder if any of the people in Berlin had any unease? Were any nervous about the movements of the government? What did they do or think as they went about their daily living?

Then I realized I was wondering these things during our own time of unease, as I was sitting in a Starbucks just outside of Washington, D.C. sipping my iced coffee.

It's scary right now. Financial trouble around the world and here in America; recent riots in London and Philadelphia; our troops still in serious peril on a daily basis; new, unknown regimes in the Middle East; China owning almost all our debt. All that without even touching on the weather that rocked us this summer or the cultural decline we are most clearly in.

It is beyond reasonable to be concerned with all of these issues, if not uneasy or even scared. How does one person even remotely begin to affect change, when these situations are so huge and global?

And yet. And yet God gives us the antidote to these poisonous fears.

Psalm 62:1-2 – My soul finds rest in God alone… He alone is my rock and my salvation. He is my fortress, I will never be shaken.

I John 4:17 – There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.

II Timothy 1:7 – For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but rather a spirit of power, of love and self-discipline.

Psalm 62:1-2 are my life verses. But if I find myself leaning to worry or fretting (which I HATE to do!) I’ll definitely remind myself of the other two. What verses do you remind yourself of in times of trouble?